Frustrations All I ever Wanted!

Perhaps now- when I am riddled with pregnancy hormones and am tired is not the best time to be venting my frustrations, but I feel I must. Of course, those of you who are uninterested in this frequent complaint should just turn away now.

I am really, really tired of being a teacher. Let me rephrase that. I am really, really tired of being paid to work in the public school sector. I would not exactly call what I do as being a teacher because about 45% of the time in class I spend telling kids to sit down, stop talking, get back to work, or when it gets really bad writing referrals. I honestly love teaching. I entered the teaching profession with the desire of working in the most economically depleted schools and turning gangsters into lovers, or at least tolerators, of literature. I have found that in the 6 years I have been teaching that not only do I not have the power to change the wayward kids, but that truthfully speaking, learning is not their concern. I used to think "they act out because their teachers are boring" or "...because they don't understand and no one has taken the time to teach them." I was painfully wrong. I am just one teacher who, in the series of teachers with this student, has tried and been unsuccessful in helping them enact change. For example, just today I had a teacher/parent conference that was similar to an intervention. I felt terrible for this parent, truthfully- I would have hated to be surrounded by my child's teachers telling me that my kid was causing so many problems- yet there we were trying to be as tactful as possible. And even after that, when I saw the kid later in the day he called me a B***#$ simply because I asked and made him throw some paper away.

I am not sure what the answer is. I do not know what I can do to increase the student productivity and lessen the liars, cheaters, stealers, and bargainers. I gave away licorice today to one period if they finished just part of an assignment which consisted of 2 sentences. Most didn't do the work and 2 walked out. I even found a piece of licorice on the floor. To me that licorice symbolized all of my pain and efforts. It was treated disrespectfully and crassly just like I am. To make it worse, because of the way I am being treated on a daily basis, I am becoming more and more short with Lenore. I hardly talk to her when I see her in the afternoons. I even made her cry recently because I gave her a look that scared her after she had done something that any normal 3 year-old would do. My conversations with her, as of late, have become that of short, terse comments filled with sighs and frustration.

It is my firm opinion that all individuals who wish to become teachers should have two majors. Because once you have dedicated 5-6 years to pursuing your dream and then you realize it's a nightmare- by then it is too late. You have already invested all of that time and money. Plus- most schools do not make you do student teaching until you are in the last stretch of your credential. We are lead, with guilt ridden quotes, like lambs to the slaughter. For example, here is one of my favorite one's: "A teacher is like a candle. She consumes herself to light the way for others." What comes out at the end is a person who feels like they are terrible at everything because it bleeds into the rest of your life. A terrible teacher, mom, wife, church member, etc. I am not looking for sympathy. I know what needs to be done- I just need to suck it up! Tomorrow is another day. Unfortunately these days seem to be more and more frequent. Maybe I should switch careers. Are there any jobs out there where people consistently like you and are grateful for all the hard work you do? Perhaps they even say an occasional thank you, or reward you with a donut. No?! Oh well- I might as well stay a teacher for now, that is until I hit the jack pot with my quick pick Lotto numbers.